Woe is me
by candyfloss112
Summary: What if Sebastian had a wife who shows up at the phantomhive estate one day.
1. Hide and Seek

**Woe is me**

I love a good mystery but I often found they are solved to quickly, that is apart from mine. Who doesn't like a nice game of hid in seek, if you're a kid or adult, but when it turns into two year thing, then it's just taking the mic. Oh yes dearest, your really are the champion, until today.

**Sebastians point of view**

"Young master, I have brought your afternoon tea"

…?

"Young master" and still no reply, so the only option was to go in to and see … what a mess and the young master appears to be missing. Sigh, now all this tea is going to waste.

**10 minuets later **

"Please, have a safe trip."

Looking at the time I'll have to hurry otherwise dinner will not be ready on time.

End Sebastians point of view

I could of sworn I heard a loud explosive somewhere, that's right in the countryside. Oh well, at least I might be getting close to a house or something. I don't mind walking by myself in the countryside, it's just that it feels as if I'm walking the grand canon… again, and one can simply not fly in the daylight. You would think I'd be used to it by now.

Walking some more until the sun was just at it highest I finally spotted it in the long distance , yes. Looking to see no one was watching I ran at full speed and arrived at what I assumed was the front door but who knew, in seconds .

How old fashioned having a knocker in place of a doorbell, I like it. I knocked three times clearly and waited. After waiting a few minuets and hearing what sounded like expensive china breaking, a woman with red hair in maid attire, wearing thick round glasses came to answer the door. "Good evening miss, might I ask if a Sebastian Michaelis takes current residence here ?" I asked with a smile and for a moment I seem to have caught her off guard.

"Miss, miss are you okay?" I asked slightly tilting my head, a habit on my part. "Oh, sorry yes, yes but him and the master are out yes." eh, so I think it's a yes. "Then might I perhaps wait here until his return miss…?"

"Just call me Mey-Rin miss…?"

"Call me Nana-Lu, pleasure to meet you Mey-Rin." and she lead the way in thankfully not asking about my name like the other millions of people who like to ask about it.

"MEY-RIN, Baldroy was going to eat the pie but the silver is gone" called an energetic lad who we both heard first before we saw. Silver? How do you need silver to eat a pie.. O wait I get it cutlery, why not just cutlery or knife, fork, spoon extra.

"Eh, the silvers gone."

"Just like he said." said the older blond now coming to join the group.

"That will make dinner slightly problematic" I decided to say.

"Who's the girl?" said the older Blond

"Baldroy" scolded Mey-Rin, and right she should, I'm a woman not a girly girl blond who believes in magic ponies and evil witches. I don't even look that young.

"Don't mind him miss" said the younger blond, then he whispered " he's just cranky because he doesn't get to eat the pie." and he smiled childishly.

I gave a small short chuckle and introduced myself "I'm Nana-Lu, oh and before you ask questions I'm a Mrs not a miss." I smiled again.

"Well I'm finnan, you've already met Mey-Rin and his is Baldroy" he said pointing to them both in order.

"I didn't mean it like that." Baldroy tried to defend himself which just got him a cross look form the maid and a _really_, look from me, but I kept smiling.

"If you need a hand with dinner preparations, I would be horned to help" I said looking at the time on one of the clock on the wall.

"Well, it is getting on a bit and Sebastian's not back" said Mey-Rin looking at the clock herself.

"Maybe, but isn't it Sebastians duty" said Baldroy who I thought was the chef.

"Well I say let's surprise them both so, Baldroy you're with me in the kitchen, Mey-Rin, please prepare the table for as many guests that we are serving, and Finnan could you be a dear and pick the finest white roses and set them as decoration on the table with Mey-Rin."

"Yes mam!" and we all set of to work.

**Some time later when the sun is setting**

I glanced out one of the huge windows just as we were all setting out the starter. "Ah, it seems the children are back."

"Lets go greet them, yes" said Mey-Rin.

"Come, lets go" shouted Finnan like an excited puppy.

"Ho ho ho" went the small man I learned was called Tananka, and they all left while I put the finishing touches here and there. _Right I think it's time I say hello_ so with a smirk I left as well.

"Mister Sebastian, welcome home!" I hear the servants chorus. Then they were making a racket about how his clothes were a mess _so it's not just me then_. I decided to wait to be noticed to see how this would turn out.

"That looks fun like up up and away." said finnan.

"There's nothing fun about." was the boys reply and got out of Sebastians grasp.

After about a minuet or so of idleness Sebastian got down on one knee _uh hu _and bowed his head forward. "Forgive me. As butler to the Phantomhive family, this is an un pardonable disgrace…I do not know how I should atone for this." everybody's eyes were on him. "I have been unable to prepare dinner this evening". I'll be the first to admit he look so pathetic and cute so I cut him a break… for now.

"Then it's a good thing I took the liberty to take charge of tonight's preparations."

Now all eyes were on me but I just kept staring at him as he did me. Then a few seconds later I said "It's rude to stare, the lot of you. For starters today we have home made lentil soup with freshly baked bread, butter and cheeses followed by the main of gammon steak, a selection of freshly picked vegetables and eggs, then for dessert we have a selection of cakes, crackers and mints along with a selection of tea. I hope it is to your liking. "

"Very good, shall we proceed young master?" Sebastian said. Hello to you to.

"Yes, but I want to know Sebastian, who it this lady." said the boy.

"Yes Sebastian, who is this boy" I asked as innocently as possible. Oh he knew he was in for it.

The spot lights back to him and after just a moment of silence he said "Nana-Lu this is Ciel Phantomhive, the head of the Phantomhive estate, young master this is Nana-Lu…my, as you would say…wife."

* * *

><p>Hey guys<p>

I'm back with a new fic and this time it's from blackbutler (^O^)

I hope everyone had a good christmas and will have a happy new year


	2. The tables have turned

**Woe is me - Chapter 2**

"SEBASTIAN HAS A WIFE!" shouted the three servants while Tanaka just went "Ho ho ho." again. I wonder if that's his catch phrase. Anyway it seems even the boy, this Ciel my husband is calling young master also had a moment of shock.

"Yes, he has a… wife. So you didn't even tell them about me DAR-ling?." Then my smile disappeared "Or better yet, you didn't even mention the fact you were going to England at all to me." then I gave him the stare that said _You better have a good excuse _because believe me Hell will look like Heaven when I'm through with you.

"He didn't even tell you he left" asked Finnan. Before I could say anything else Sebastian decided to but in.

"Don't you three have choirs to be getting on with, surely you can't be done."

"There are easier ways to talk alone you know."

"Young master, if dinner is prepared, then let's move along."

"Fine if your set on ignoring me two can play at that game, Michae-lis." I turned and started walking back to the manor.

"Nana-Lu, I was just coming to you." he said. I knew he wasn't really ignoring me and trying to get everyone busy so we could talk but you don't just ignore someone when they talk to you so I thought I would stretch this game out, let's call it phase one, and beside maybe he'll have thought of a good excuse.

I raced on ahead, _If he wants to talk privately let's first play a game of hide and seek. _Okay so where would one hid if they were playing hid and seek in a huge mansion and didn't want to be found easily. Wait a minuet, how about his wardrobe but first since I don't want my sent to give me away, how about I take a quick tour of the whole place.

**Sebastians point if view**

I can't believe it, she here and mad at me, and it doesn't help the young mater keeps giving me looks of somewhat amusement and semi disbelief, not to mention those four.

"Sebastian, you should go after your wife." said Bard.

"Yes, its not good to have a broken relationship, yes. And after all it is your fault." Mey-Rin stated

I looked to the young master for approval. "Yes, hurry and sort things out before something bad happens." and he dismissed me with a flick of his hand. Weather he meant Nana-Lu would cause Trouble unattended or the servants would lead the house to shambles, both cases could be disastrous.

I should of known she would try something like this, she's hiding. This is bad, and not because she'll cause trouble but because she knows how to tick me off _as well as she can last for years in one hiding place playing pranks on her…em victims, mainly me_.

**3 hours later **

"Sebastian, I take it you still haven't found Nana-Li." asked the young master as I was preparing him for bed.

"No young master, she never has been one to given in easily or better yet make anything easy in life. Oh and her names Nana-Lu, trust me she hates it when people get it wrong." especially my mother who has yet to properly say her name, family gathering are always fun but that's for another time.

"I see, well why don't you go finish this game of hide and seek, hopefully before sunrise." and a few moments later after he was settled I was once again on the hunt for my wife.

**Seven hours later**

"Where on earth can she be."

No matter now it's five in the morning and time to get ready for the day ahead, which no doubt will include fixing the servants mess, Making the masters meals and finding Nana-Lu, joy.

After taking a bath I went to get fresh clothes from the wardrobe and surprise surprise, who would be sleeping there but none other than Nana-Lu. It only took about eleven and a half hours to find her, that's got to be a record.

I would of left her there for a few more hours, if it wasn't for the fact that all my clothes appear to have gone missing and I was in only a towel. At first I tried saying her name "Nana-Lu" but that didn't work, it never did. Shaking her a few times proved pointless, then a devious idea came to mind.

_There that should do_ I thought with an devious smirk on my face and went over to my wife, picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, held her over the bath tub and then **KA-SPLASH**!.

**End of Sebastians point of view **

"OH THAT'S FREEZING!" I yelled as soon as I was above water again. There with a smug look on his face, was the husband trying so hard not to laugh. "Come on in dear, the waters fine." and I grabbed his hand and pulled him in before he could do anything else. But before he could resurface I was already by the bathroom door with his towel and his previously worn clothes.

"That wasn't very nice darling was it." looking at me from the tub like it was my fault.

"I was just returning the favour of your _marvellous _wakeup call darling." I replied.

"I just had a bath too" he sighed and then looked back to me again, both of us still soaking wet.

"You know what, I think I'll take a walk outside to dry off, come join me if you dare." and I left before he could realise what I meant, oh how I wish I could of seen that face when it dawned on him he would have no clothes to wear.

I think for phase two I'll go hide his clothes in the forest and along the rive bank. Oh, whoever said revenge ain't sweet obviously is the victim. In this case, poor Sebastian and he's going to be having a fun little scavenger hunt. Though to be quite honest I didn't expect it to rain. Great just great, now I'm even more wet. Better keep one of his outfits clean and dry and maybe just maybe, I'll give it to him after his little clothes hunt.

* * *

><p>Yay, a new chapter is up (^O^)<p>

Thanks to all who left a review, so sweet.

Sebastian not having much luck at the moment, is he ^O^

Untill next time, See ya.


	3. Confusion a little here and there

**Woe is me - Chapter three**

Just when I got three thirds of the way back, what should pass me but a black cat. For a moment it looked up at me and I smiled to it, I love cats and they normally like me as well but I think this particular cat was having a bad day so far. And it's only quarter past five in the morning. "I thought cats hated water." I commented as he walked away, then he turned around to give me the look that said _ha ha very funny_ before continuing on.

Finally getting in from the down pour and drying off, I made my way towards the kitchen wondering when this boy would normally get up as well as the servants. Well since I kind of barged in here, perhaps I'll make breakfast for everyone.

I kind of guessed the servants would be up sooner than later and hence I had made everyone an omelette, cheese toasties and a glass of warm milk. I left Finnian, Bard and Mey-Rin and Tanakas breakfast on the table where they would normally eat, so they could find it easily and left me to deliver the kids breakfast in his room .

Up in Ciels room I set the breakfast on the bedside table and pondered for a moment on to get the child up, trust me being a mother myself I know how they are in the morning. That's when I got an idea. If a lullaby can put a child to sleep then soft music must get them awake without being crabby. Incredibly, two minuets later I found a harp. I then sat myself down in a chair and began to play _Greensleeves, _a rather haunting melody.

Slowly, very slowly the boy aroused from his slumber in slight confusion of what was going on, but I kept playing letting him figure it out on his own, besides I like this song. His eyes shifted from me to his breakfast and he eyed it for quite some time. Eventually he tucked in _thankfully without me having to spoon feed him_. Since he hasn't said anything I played another song.

After he finished I drew the melody I was on to a close and asked "well, how was your breakfast ?" to which he replied "Sebastian would of known what I'd prefer but it will do." _sigh, that's what I get for being nice and making breakfast_. "You really are a child" I teased while picking up his dishes, balancing them on my head and then picking up the harp. Then he asked the dreaded question "where is Sebastian ?"

"I didn't kill him if that's what you mean."

"So what did you do to him."

"Noth-ing mu-ch, just you worry about getting dressed while I put all this away."

Then he just stared at me blankly. "You can get dressed, right?" He then looked over to the side as if I had jus insulted him. "Right?" I said again. Still no reply. _Sigh. _"Read a book for a moment, I need to go find him anyway." and before he could answer I left.

So I put the harp back where I found it and went to the kitchen to find the servants happily eating there food _at lest they like it_. "Morning everyone." I said cheerily. "Morning." they all replied, apart from Tanaka he said "Ho ho ho" again. After putting the dishes, washed and dried, away I went off see how and where my darling husband was.

Here is only three places he can be since I haven't seen him around the house. Number one is that he is still outside trying to find his clothes which is highly unlike since it's been about an hour. Number two is that he has found his clothes and is washing them as I speak _or mending them_. Number three is that he is somewhere drying them. Well now's a good time as any to give him some clothes to wear _though it would be interesting to see everybody's reaction of this perfect butler naked_, still I'm not that cruel _or that upset with him_.

And there he was washing just as I thought and in another towel I might add . I hid the clothes behind my back so he wouldn't see them though I think he was in the huff with me cause he paid me no head as I came towards him. Instead he was scrubbing and rinsing like his life depended on it. After several minuets of getting ignored _that or I was getting board _I decided to say something. "need a hand?" "No." he said bluntly. "Really?" I said in disbelief, looking at what he had left to do. "Yes." _sigh, seems I hurt his pride, again_. After another several minuets I said this " I'll finish up here, you go take care of Ciel.". "And how do you propose I do that in this state." he said now looking at me like he couldn't wait to hear this one. "Here." I said holding out the clothes and then giving them to him. The face he made was exactly the one I was looking for, phase three compete. After a moment "You didn't think I was going to let other people see you but naked now did you." I said with a grin. "I wouldn't of allowed it." he replied half serious half mocking _that's the scary part_. "You can get changed by your self, right? Being here too long hasn't made you lazy now, has it?" I asked teasingly back. "I don't know, it feels kind of nice to walk around with nothing but a towel on."

"What towel?" and I waved about the item I kept behind my back.

"When did you?"

"Think of it as how I felt when I didn't know where you were and leave the entire mater there. I missed you." and I hugged him.

"And I you." he said hugging back. "Wonderful harp playing today." he said gently and mischievously.

"What can I say, it works for ours doesn't it." We gave a quick kiss to each other before getting on with our allocated tasks. All have to say is, I hope nothing happens before lunch that leaves him in need of a change of clothing _unless he was serious about the towel thing_.

* * *

><p>Well here's another chapter, Yay!<p>

But i have prelims next week, Boo!

Well life goes on so unill next time adue


End file.
